A woman saw an ad in the local newspaper which read:
"Purebred Police Dog $25." Thinking that to be a great bargain, she called and ordered the dog to be delivered.

The next day a van arrived at her home and delivered the
mangiest-looking mongrel she had ever seen.

In a rage, she telephoned the man who had placed the ad,
"How dare you call that mangy-mutt a pure bred police dog?"

"Don't let his looks deceive you," the man replied, "he's a fully trained under cover operative."

1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
12. What were we meant to be doing? Where is the camera? Where is the puppy? Who made that mess?
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Sit back in chair with lemonade and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.

Tonight's my first night as a watchdog and here it is Christmas Eve The children are sleeping all cozy upstairs, While I'm guardin' the stockin's and tree.

What's that now? Footsteps on the rooftop? Could it be a cat or mouse? Who's this down the chimney? A thief with a beard and a big sack for robbin' the house?

I'm barkin', I'm growlin', I'm bitin' his butt. He howls and jumps back in his sleigh. I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air! I've frightened the whole bunch away!

Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again. The stockin's are safe as can be. Won't the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow and see how I've guarded the tree!

On the first day of creation, God created the dog.
On the second day, God created man to serve the dog.
On the third day, God created all the animals of the Earth to serve as potential food for the dog.
On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the dog.
On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the dog might or might not retrieve it.
On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the dog healthy and the man broke.
On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but He had to walk the dog.